Angry birds

So a bird bit me the other day. Or pecked me. Whatever.

I was leaving the gym, happy as a clam in high tide, full of endorphins and much needed dopamine, thinking thst life is great, when the damn thing attacked me. It came from freaking nowhere, kamikazed into my head and nibbled on it while its black wings flapped on my face.

Running with my arms flailing and screaming profanities, I freed myself from the hysterical bird, acting hysterical myself, finding safety in my jeep, while breathing heavily with my crazy hair on my face.

That's when I saw the moody bird. It was a crow and it stared at me from a branch with evil eyes, like something right out of a Hitchcock movie. (envision creepy, annoying, repetitive, scary movie music in the background here)

More pissed off than scared I headed home and called everyone and their brother to find out opinions as to why freaky bird freaking bit me. Or pecked.

Apparently there are four reasons as to why a bird would bite (or peck) little me:

1) I'm in a scary movie

2) Someone that looks like me was mean to the bird and they don't forget (hold grudges much?)

3) I look like I either have food or I am food

4) The bird's nest was nearby and she was a hormonal new mom, which is a more likely scenario and one I could relate.

I don't like people coming near my nest either. We are about to receive a lot of guests and just the thought of anyone disturbing my son's schedule or simply holding him makes me want to peck on everyone. Or bite.

If I were still seeing the nutty therapist I used to see (which was actually very good, in her nutty ways), she would tell me that the universe was trying to tell me something.

In this case, I wonder what the heck the universe is trying to tell me? Am I a hysterical mom that needs to chill out and stop going off on people? Or the opposite, should I tackle anyone that gets near my son? Or perhaps I just look that shitty that animals think I am a carcass? What do you think?