One of those women

Not too long ago I could be quoted as saying, "kids are selfish, needy, noisy and always have boogers running down their noses; plus they spend all your travel and home remodeling funds. Who in their right minds would want to make one?"

I was also that kind of person who looked down upon the screaming child inside of an airplane or a store and would say under my breath, but loud enough for the parent to hear, "can't these people control their kid?"

I have found that the answer is no. If a child is crying uncontrollably, guess what? The parent has usually tried everything. So, no, they can't really control their kid.

I have now crossed into the dark side, aka parenthood, and belong now to a not so exclusive group of mothers and the stereotypes that they carry.

I have become one of those women,

that can talk over her screaming child because she is immune to the loudness and can no longer feel her own headache

that looks like shit 90% of the time

that has a muffin top (although it is slowly going away)

that uses a girdle to mask said muffin top

that looks at fat pictures of herself from before baby and finds that she was actually thin

that thinks her baby is the most adorable and most intelligent baby in the world. I have actually caught myself saying, "He followed me with his eyes! He is so SMART!"

that cannot talk about anything but her adorable and intelligent baby

that goes out on a date with husband sans baby and only talks about their adorable and intelligent baby

that is too tired for sex

that is too tired to exercise

that is too tired to clean the house

that is tired of being tired

that.looks tired

that collects diaper coupons

that thinks everyone is germy and every toy is potentially hazardous

that thinks everyone is inherently good because everyone has a mother, like, "they can't gas that serial killer that murdered hundreds of people. He has a MOTHER!"

that looks at bratty children acting up and thinks her child will be different

that quickly forget all of this and plans on having another child