If you were a fly in my living room...

...this is the kind of conversations you would hear:

Me: How come you are still attracted to me when I am so doughy?

Husband: Because I am your husband and I love you

Me: Wrong answer. You're supposed to say, "because you are so damn sexy and who said you were fat?"

Me: I think we should start dividing house chores

Husband: Ok, what should each of us do?

Me: How about I go sleep and you do everything?

Me: I wish I were two, so one of me could just sit here and the other go do what needs to be done.

Husband: That would never work 'cause you guys would end up disagreeing.

Me: Out of curiosity, how did a popcorn made its way to the bathroom floor?

Husband: Some people, I am not going to say who, like to eat popcorn on the couch, but they let popcorn fall inside their shirt and don't see it. Then they go to the bathroom to pump milk for the baby and the popcorns come flying.

Me: I think you have a hearing problem. I feel like you didn't hear anything I just said.

Husband: huh?