Do-nothing-daddy

Here's how my husband lets me know (in a ever so slightly passive aggressive way) that he does do a lot with baby.

(When asked if baby sleeps through the night) : "No, he doesn't sleep through the night lately. He asks for his paci. Momma just thinks he sleeps through the night because she is snoring while do-nothing-daddy goes over there to soothe him fifty million times a night."

(While talking with baby): "Do-nothing-daddy is about to change your diaper for the THIRD TIME this morning, little guy!" (I was making breakfast for guests, mind you)

"Little man, do you want to go on taxi-daddy [carrier] to take out the trash with do-nothing-daddy after he finishes cleaning ALL those dishes?"

(to me, as he hands me the baby): "Do-nothing-daddy hasn't taken a shower in forever because he was busy doing nothing."

Lol!

So yes, honey, I KNOW you do a lot and I do appreciate it, but it's so much more fun making fun of you!

Mission solid attempt: fail

Striding behind strollers

My hands are still shaking. I wasn't run over by a truck but it sure feels like it.

I took my first Stroller Strides class. You can check their website on www.strollerstrides.com

They are all over the country and I believe the world too.

While finding them on google when looking for alternatives to work out with a baby (going to a gym just means husband is left with a screaming baby at his screaming witching hour, or working out at home, which may never happen when I can barely get a glass of water) I imagined a bunch of overweight ladies going for a stroll with a cup of coffee while yapping about diapers, and then going to get some pastries.

I thought, no biggie, I can get some coffee and talk about diapers. That's what my sad routine has come to anyway. I don't bring any water because I am sure we are just going to be doing a few jumping jacks and playing with silly workout bends.

I arrive at a park where mommas meet with the strollers and as I roll in with my standard stroller I notice every one and their brother has one of those fancy jogging strollers and they all look...thin.

They whip their perfect hairs in the wind while stretching their slim limbs, and it almost feels like it is in slow motion, like im a movie. I feel like the new dorky kid in the school. Even their babies know each other.

I ask super fit mom teacher if I will be able to keep up with my whimpy stroller. She says I will do just fine.

Liar.

Pregnant lady arrives and my intimidation for these ladies subsides a little. If pregnant lady can do this class, so can my overweight ass. Pregnant lady tells me, however, that she is 35 weeks along and I conclude that she is a freak of nature because she looks better than I. At 35 weeks pregnant the only running I did was from the couch to the bathroom.

Super fit teacher mom asks me if I exercised before and I make the huge, huge mistake to tell her I used to be a personal trainer ten pounds ago.

She hands me a whimpy exercise bend and I want to tell her it is too light, but I will keep my ego in check and try not to show off.

Fast forward to twenty minutes later and we are lunging up a hill while pushing strollers and after running as fast as we could. Pregnant lady is passing me. Super fit lady teacher mom says, "come on Mariana! You can lunge lower than this!"

Why does she think Mariana can lunge lower than this?

Oh, yeah, because stupid Mariana had to open her big fat mouth and say she was a personal trainer.

I am again running for the fifth mile while my kid is squealing in delight. I am so thirsty that I wonder if drinking my baby's bottle is a bad idea and if it would be considered cannibalism to drink something that came from my own boobs.

Speaking of which, the bra I am wearing is not boob friendly, so I am holding them boobs as I jump jack for, what, a gazillion times?

When is the part where we go get pastries?

Evil teacher tells us to go run down this one hill and shuffle back. At this point we've been running and jumping jacking and working with silly bends, (that turned out to not be silly at all, as my arms shake right now), for what it feels like eternity, and I literally yell, "WHAT?"

The other ladies think I am just being funny, but I don't think it's funny at all.

We do this a gazillion times as well.

Then we work with silly bends in front of babies while singing the ABC song, which is a lot different then the Metallica I usually listen to when in this much workout inflicted pain.

Now I am running ahead of everyone, back to the park, but not because I want to get a good work out or show off, but because in case I die, I won't be left to be eaten by crows and my kid won't be taken by the boogie man.

I keep hoping my baby will ask for food and I will have to sit down, but no, not today. Today is the day he doesn't ask for food every two seconds. He is instead talking and smiling at his new friends, the other babies.

Funny thing is, I loved it and will sign up for this daily torture. P90X has nothing on working out up hills with a stroller!

Getting on solid ground (on baby food) - Q&A

The nerd in me needs to research on how to start baby on solids.

The nutritionist in me wants him to eat the best possible diet.

The control freak in me wants it to be perfect, just like I expect him to be a good driver, to go to college and not to have slutty girlfriends.

After reading a few books (such as "What to expect, the first year" and "Top hundred baby purées") and the book that comes with the Baby Bullet (which to me is one of the coolest gifts baby has ever gotten - thank you again, Courtney and Megan!), the websites www.askdrsears.com and www.kellymom.com, and talking with baby's pediatrician, I came up with a Q&A on starting baby on solids.

Here are some questions I had and the answers I got:

Why is it recommended that breast fed babies wait until the sixth month to start on solids?

My baby's pediatrician's reasoning is that breast milk is such an important meal and it is so complete for baby, that initiating other foods before six months would just occupy baby's belly with something that is not so nutritious.

Kellymom and Dr Sears say that delaying solids gives the baby's immature digestive system time to mature. Babies lack enzymes that break certain nutrients and allergens, so babies could get an allergic reaction to certain foods.

Babies take a while to develop the swallowing reflex for solids, so they just play with the food from side to side inside their cheeks and will probably spit it up.

Is it bad if I start baby on solids before then?

Nope. My baby's pediatrician said it is ok as a good practice for them. Also, some babies are ready and will give cues.

Mine often stares at me when I am eating and smacks his lips, which is adorable, and being able to hold his neck while weighing a solid 19lbs, he could start eating now, but I will wait.

I'm not looking forward to the smelly poops. A friend of mine said that poops from solids are nuclear and that no febreeze can eliminate that smell.

Oh, also, formula fed babies are advised to start on solids earlier than breastfed babies so they get nutrition from more natural sources.

What should be baby's first meal?

Home made rice cereal made of brown rice is recommended mainly because it is blend and could cause less allergic reactions, but also because it is packed in iron, good fats, protein and vitamins. White rice is nothing but carbs, so brown rice is much, much better.

After six months being breast fed, babies need iron from other sources besides momma's milk, which is starting to have less and less iron. Without iron, the red blood cells cannot carry oxygen properly.

Products like the Baby Bullet comes with a grinder, to grind the rice and then cook it, which is another reason why I love it.

Another perfect meal is avocado because it is rich in good fats, protein and tons of vitamins.

How should I start baby on solids?

Apparently they make a big ass mass and take their sweet ass baby time, so supposedly the first few meals have to be done when baby is being a happy self, not too hungry, and when parents have patience and time.

For the first few weeks, baby should be eating one or two solids a day, and only a few spoons of each, so there's no need to make a huge batch of anything fancy.

When can I introduce new foods?

After three or four days of rice cereal or avocado, a new food is introduced after every three days, so baby's digestive system gets used to a new food and allergens can be ruled out.

Veggies or fruits?

Babies' tongues are more sensitive to sweets (and older children's tongues too), so they get addicted to it and refuse veggies. Vegetables should be introduced first for that reason.

What are the best foods to be introduced?

4 to 6 months - avocado, brown rice cereal, peas, zucchini, peas, squash, apple, pear, banana, sweet potato.

7 months - asparagus, carrots, green beans, white potatoes, peach, tofu, cottage cheese, milled oatmeal cereal, milled millet cereal.

8 months - apricot, cantaloupe, plum, watermelon, broccoli, cauliflower, lentils, turnip, kale, eggplant, pineapple, greens.

9 months - red meat, fish, turkey, beans, cheese.

Is there anything I should avoid?

The common allergens are peanuts, chocolate, fish, shellfish, eggs, and cow's milk. Of course, anything with food coloring in it.

How is baby supposed to eat meats when he doesn't have any teeth? (I know, this stupid question was actually asked by me)

All baby's foods are puréed, stupid.

Boil the meat and blend it.

Can I freeze baby's foods if I make a bunch?

Yup, but no longer than a month in a freezer.

How would baby's food diary look like by the time he/she is nine months?

Meal 1 - breast or bottle

Meal 2 - 3 or 4 oz of baby food + breast or bottle to drink

Meal 3 - 3 or 4 oz of baby food + breast or bottle to drink

Meal 4 - 1 or 2 oz of baby food + breast or bottle to drink

Meal 5 - 3 or 4 oz of baby food + breast or bottle to drink

Meal 6 - breast or bottle

(I have no idea if this is right. I guess I will see)

Contrary to adults, babies are not supposed to have a high fiber diet and should have instead a high fat (good fats, that is) diet. In other words, more avocados, less lentils and some fruits.

Here are the websites I read on this:

Dr Sears: 6 Reasons to delay introducing solids

http://askdrsears.com/topics/feeding-infants-toddlers/starting-solids/6-reasons-delay-introducing-solid-food

Kelly Mom: Why delay solids?

http://kellymom.com/nutrition/starting-solids/delay-solids/

Letter to momma (on toesies)

Dear momma,

I figured out today that my feet are attached to me, which is awesome.

You took my socks off and kissed the bottom of my feet when I realized that my toes were moving whenever I wanted them to, so I looked at them feeling pretty impressed.

Then you said, "yes, baby, this foot is yours! You have two!" and you showed me the other one. I put two and two together and and realized you were right, like you always are, so I stared at them in awe.

Then I decided to reach out for them with my tiny hands and realized I could!

Then I thought about chewing on them because they looked very chewy and was surprised that my mouth could get to my wiggly toes, which is also awesome, because it's one more thing I get to chew on and pull on besides your hair, momma!

What I don't understand is why you were giggling so much and so loud. I didn't think anything was that funny so I just looked at you frowning, but then I started giggling too because I think you're so silly, momma!

Love,

Tiny

Men and boobs

After I feed baby, I plop him on his bouncer so I can pump, and we both watch Barefoot Contessa make elaborate dishes that I may never be able to attempt again. Heck, I am lucky if I can put together a hamburguer helper without burning down the house these days.

Because it's just the two of us, I take off my bra in the living room to put on the pumping bra and its concoction.

Baby used to just sit on the bouncer and play with his toys for the amount of time it took me to pump. Lately, however, he has been a fussy butt because his fangs are coming.

An intesting phenomenon has been occurring, however. Baby was chewing his chew toy with passion while letting me know loudly that he was not happy on the bouncer, when I took off my bra.

Suddenly all noises coming from tiny mouth of tiny person seized and he even stopped chewing half way, little mouth half open, and little, big blue eyes wide, staring at my breasts.

I put on pump bra and chewing commenced once more. Once finished with pumping, I took off the bra. Baby again stopped everything he was doing by his baby self and stared at my boobs, once more, and with intensity. This happened every single time these last few days.

I wonder if it's the baby in him or the man in him. Or maybe he just wonders why momma has those funny looking balloons attached to her chest and only now has noticed them. Who knows?

Such phenomenon also happens with my husband, since such sight also makes him stop everything and brings an instant smile to his face. I have even considered fleshing him during a fight just to see what would happen, if he would start smiling. Maybe I could win the fight that way.

I should try this tomorrow. Maybe I should piss him off with something, claim that a terrorist on tv said Marines suck; get him very pissed and then show him a boob without warning. Will he smile?

Baby certainly stops chewing on his toy.

I have caught even stepson catching a glimpse at them (no, I was not wearing cleavage) a few months ago and then turning beet red when his eyes met mine and he realized I knew where they had been.

What to do with so much testosterone around me? Maybe I should buy a female dog or something.

Sexy time

Husband (while smelling my neck, with sexy voice): hmmm, you smell good. What is that?

Me: baby vomit