This too

Letters I wish I could have read from my self to myself.

Dear Mariana from January 2010,

In two years you will have a baby. I know, crazy! You don't even like children. You will love your baby more than life itself though and no, that will not make you like other people's children any more.

You look out the window and only see snow and wonder when was the last time you saw palm trees. In two years you will look out the window, see palm trees, and miss the snow.

You are obsessed with making your business grow and spend ungodly amounts of time making sure your website shows up on the first page of google. You work 60 to 70 hours a week and have become a slave to making money.

In two years none of this will have matter because you will close your LLC. I know, crazy!

You will get married to a military man, even though you promised yourself you would never go even on date with a man in an uniform because they move a lot, and you would never change your whole entire life because of a guy. Well, you will.

You never see your friends because you don't have time for them. In two years you will miss them, so enjoy their company while you can.

You wish you could give yourself a break and slow down, but this too shall pass.

Dear seven months pregnant Mariana,

You walked the longest and loneliest walk across a large parking lot of a hospital while having intense contractions and wondered if you would have a premature baby there, with no one around to help. The doctors were finally able to stop it and you are scared that the baby will arrive too soon.

He will have to be induced. You will have a csection and the first months of his life will go by in a blur of pain and all kinds of overwhelmed feelings. You will wonder why you don't feel that elated glow you are supposed to feel. You will mostly feel tired.

You will gain another twenty pounds in these last few weeks. I'm not kidding. You will actually gain ten of those in the hospital AFTER having the baby because of all the fluids in you. No one will warn you of this. Your legs will look like tree trunks.

As a mother you will feel inadequate. You will feel completely lost and tied down. You will cry in the shower, when you do have time to shower, but this too shall pass.

Dear Mariana with a one month old,

Even though you think you love him, that love will multiply as the days go by. Now the only human thing he seems to do is yawning, but in a few more months he will interact with you. He will talk his baby talks. He will grab a spoon from you if you feed him bananas, because he loves them so very much. He will giggle at the sight of you and when you are bored, just pretend you are eating his toes. He will think this is the funniest thing that ever happened to him and you will both laugh your butts off. You will cherish those moments because you know that they too will pass.