Matthew 10 X 0 Me

I have coffee spilled in both the baby and I while I lay in a puddle of it. Baby smacks my face and cries in my ear. He wants to cuddle.

Because I just pulled my back trying to stop the baby from grabbing the coffee mug out of my hand; the coffee I've been dreaming of sipping for the last three hours of battling needy, little arms, I can't move.

I try to roll to one side and almost stand, but baby grabs my hair from behind and brings me back down. Is this a fight?

Is this really happening? Did I get knocked out by a baby? I wonder, staring at the ceiling.

I try rolling the other way, dodging evil, little fingers, but they are swift, so he grabs on to my earring, pulling my ear down and almost ripping the skin. He steals the earring. I try to pry strong, clammy fingers to retrieve earrings, but I'm back on the floor, my back quivering in pain. He can have the earring. He probably ate it by now.

Note to self: never wear earrings ever again.

Breathing, I count to three to try and stand up, and baby pokes both of my eyes, climbing my head.

Meanwhile my mom watches from Skype. I tell her to call 911, that my kid is possessed.

"He is just teething," she says.

I give him Tylenol, when I could use some myself, while he grabs the skin of my neck.

"He is tired," I try to convince myself and I place him in his crib. In the safety of the kitchen, I now look at his monitor and he is staring back at me, through the camera. Creepy, little fella.

He just started screaming again.

Somebody help me!!!

How many teeth do human beings have again? And how many more of those have to come through??